mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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