I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
