If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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