I wish I could punch you in the face.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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