gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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