I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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