I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
