Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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