Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
