Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
