One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
