broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
