Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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