Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
