My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
