oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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