hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm always down for nudity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
