I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
