I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
