Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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