Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
