My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
