i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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