There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
