i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
