i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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