no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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