I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
