Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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