I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need a burrito and a hug.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
