jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
