Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
