Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
