My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
