capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I looked at my own cervix.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
