All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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