Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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