Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
