I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
