my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
