Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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