i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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