absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
