I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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