Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
