The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
sarcasm needs its own font
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
