chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
