I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The feeling are messing with the penis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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