I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
