You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
