That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
