She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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