it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
