I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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