Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
be right there i have to get my cape
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
