its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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