i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
