Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I got inside last night via doggy door
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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