i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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