Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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