In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
