I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
