we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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