HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's always time for handjobs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
