Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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