did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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