Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
